Perhaps the worst part of anyone’s day is having to deal with difficult people.

Difficult people come in all shapes and sizes. They can be family members, co-workers, customers, a boss, or even employees and company representatives. And what they all have in common is that their behavior is well outside of what’s ethically and professionally acceptable. Such people can pretty much make your life miserable if you let them, so it’s important to put a stop to their behavior and neutralize it as quickly as possible.

The best way to solve a problem is to start by describing it accurately. Hence, it’s imperative that you first understand the psychology behind “unacceptable” behavior and why it happens. After that, I will share with you tips to help you address it and neutralize it.

1. The Psychology of Social Dominance

Difficult people can be aggressive, passive-aggressive, or simply uncooperative. All of these attitudes express a particular power dynamic that affects the power balance between the two of you.

Difficult people typically assume that they have a power leverage over you. They see themselves as being above you in some way. And when people believe they’re superior to you, they will give themselves the permission to treat you how they please. To this end, difficult people see their relationships as a power struggle, and they will test how far they can go with you and how much they can tip the power balance in their favor. This is not the only psychological motive behind the ways and behavior of difficult people, but I think it’s safe to say that difficult people refuse to deal with others on equal terms.

But what makes them think that they can have power over you?

People can have power over you for different reasons and in number of ways. They can have power over you if you give it to them. Some people will give away their power because they don’t believe they should have it. People do this for various reasons: they may suffer from inferiority complex and hence they give their power to others because they desperately want to be liked and accepted.

You also give your power away when you tolerate unacceptable behavior. When you tolerate your boss or co-workers yelling at you, you’re tacitly accepting their power over you. And if you continue to tolerate it, you will effectively reinforce that authority in their minds. You’re also probably aware that the longer you let them treat you that way, the more difficult it’s going to be to reverse that behavior. Even worse, if you allow this behavior to continue, these things will not only escalate but these people will begin to feel that they are entitled to treat you the way they please.

So if you have any self-respect, you should absolutely put an end to this no matter how badly you need that job or relationship.

What should you do?

Your solution: restore the power imbalance.

You need to re-establish the balance of power such that you’re both working on equal terms. But sometimes you may need to tip the balance in your favor. For example, if there is a professional inequality in terms of skills or position and you have authority as a boss over a difficult employee, you need to ensure that your employees don’t walk all over you. You need to have professional power over your employees and assess whether or not they’re doing their job. Additionally, your success as a manager or leader depends on how well you lead your team, not how well they lead you. So the most important thing is to determine how much power you should have vis-a-vis what they should have.

Once you’ve determined that factor, now you have to identify difficult behavior and challenge it in a thoughtful and decisive way.

There are two approaches to dealing with difficult people. The first approach is the one most commonly used. It’s indirect and more often than not, it’s ineffective. The second approach is direct and quite effective but takes some courage. Let’s explore these two options.

2. The Ineffective Approach

Some people address difficult behavior indirectly…without facing the person or confronting him or her.

Whenever they feel bothered by a certain behavior, they don’t quite confront it. They might speak with anger to that person. They might ignore the person for some time and so on and so forth. But when you do so, you don’t inform the difficult person that their behavior is unacceptable. To be honest with you, some people are not aware how they come across to others, and they might not be sure that their behavior is annoying you. So following the indirect approach will not help you solve the problem. In fact, if you play the passive-aggressive game, you’re only going to put yourself through more and more stress…and without effectively addressing the real problem.

3. The Effective Approach

In order to address difficult behavior and correct it, you need to first alert the person that their behavior is unacceptable. You need to be very specific as to what exact behavior is unacceptable to you and express that to them. You need to convey this message with authority. You deserve to be treated with respect, and you should rightfully assert that in every sense of the word. Don’t feel shy, embarrassed, or timid about it. You are fully entitled to be respected.

Once you’ve expressed to the person that information and you’re sure they’re clear about what is and what’s not acceptable to you, you also need to inform them that their actions will have serious consequences. If it’s a relationship, tell your partner that you will leave. If it’s a boss, then tell him or her you’re going to file an official complaint to the relevant parties, and so on and so forth.

Don’t worry how that might affect the relationship. It’s not your fault that they somehow feel they can be disrespectful. In fact, if you stand up for yourself, people will begin to take you seriously and things will start going your way more smoothly.

Lastly, you need to enforce your boundaries each and every time you notice that behavior. Sometimes it might be subtle and sometimes it’s not going to be so subtle, and whatever the case might be, you need to act as soon as you notice that behavior. Make it a principle for yourself to not agree to work or be with someone that doesn’t want things on equal terms. You will save yourself a lot of time and a lot of stress.