Every relationship will go through a period of intense strain.

Anything can strain a relationship, from chronic financial stress to differences in opinions and lifestyle choices. And if these things continue to linger in your relationships without being addressed head-on, the relationship will eventually reach a breaking point.

I am assuming that you’re reading this article because you’ve reached the breaking-point, but you nevertheless believe in the value of your relationship. You want to continue your relationship with your partner because you see a future for yourself with that person. However, no matter what you believe about the potential of your relationship, you can’t make things work on your own.

You must sit down with your partner (if he or she is willing) and talk openly about your relationship.

But first things first…

1. Is Your Partner Ready?

Talking with your partner about sensitive relationship issues at the wrong time will polarize you and your partner even further. I know that you feel the urge to speak to your partner and resolve issues right away, but you just can’t decide for your partner when he or she is ready to have such a conversation.

Your partner isn’t obligated to be ready when you are ready. You have to wait.

I know it’s painful to wait. It’s hard to sit out and imagine what’s going on in your partner’s mind. Is she going to stay? Is he dating someone else? Is she over with me? Is he never going to call back?

But you have to recognize that your partner might not be ready to talk to you yet. The truth is you’re not the only thing on your partner’s mind. Your partner might be experiencing some challenges at her workplace. Your partner might be dealing with family issues. Your partner might also be planning to change her life and choose a different growth path…you simply can’t know what’s going on in your partner’s mind. When the person is ready to talk, he or she will most likely let you know.

That’s not to say that your partner isn’t thinking of the relationship. Of course they do. But your partner may need to sort out how they feel about the relationship and they need to reach that conclusion on their own in their own time.

So give your partner space.

Your partner might need as much as 2 months of no contact before they can sit down and have a mature conversation, and sometimes even more. But people are different and some may need less or more time than others.

Again, just because you’re ready doesn’t mean your partner must be ready.

2. Rapport

If 2 months have passed and you still haven’t heard from your partner, then maybe it’s time for you to initiate contact.

A text message in much better than an intrusive phone call. You have to warm up to your partner. Don’t just come back into their life like nothing happened.

Start slow as though you’re starting over from scratch — almost like meeting a new person and taking them on a first date and getting to know them. If you try to move too quickly, you will go back to square one.

If things go well and your partner still wants to talk, the first thing you need to do is to establish rapport. This means letting your partner feel comfortable in opening up to you. This is much easier said than done. Your partner may have already formed a rigid image of who you are, your judgements, your opinions, and it can take time before your partner opens up. You have to be okay with that.

Now the best and easiest way to establish rapport is to begin by recognizing your part in getting the relationship to a breaking point. But, you have to stay away as much as possible from “who did what and why” and start blaming each other. That’s a waste of time.

Keep refocusing the conversation on finding practical solutions that would work for your partner. That’s exactly what you need to move the conversation forward.

3. Is Your Partner Right for You?

In addition to doing your part and working toward coming up with practical solutions, it’s also important that your partner is approaching the relationship from a similar angle.

You have to speak to one another about the approach you’re going to use to fix the relationship. However, it can take your partner some time to accept the new approach especially if that’s something that you never used in the relationship.

However, you have to notice if your partner is willing to reciprocate. Again, you can’t do all the work yourself. Only two people can make this work and they have to put in the work equally.

If not, then your partner might not be right for you. You have to be honest with yourself about these things. If your partner isn’t reciprocating, then accept that person for who they are, but don’t obligate yourself to be under their mercy.

Here’s a post that can you better evaluate your relationships.

4. Outcome

A lot of times relationships don’t work because one or two of you is attached to the outcome. You’re heavily invested in changing your partner, keeping your partner, keeping the relationship, and so on and so forth.

The more attached you are to the outcome, the more controlling you will seem and the less likely you will get the truth.

You have to have the courage not to be attached to a particular outcome. Sometimes, the best outcome is that whichever works best for each of you. So if your partner isn’t interested in continuing the relationship for whatever reason, then accepting her decision and understanding that that’s what’s best for her is good enough.

You can’t control another person’s feelings. You can’t bribe the person into staying with you by buying them things either.

Stay detached from the outcome and let things be.

If it doesn’t work out, then you have to move on. See this post on how to move on after a break-up.