People hold their own views of how to live a good life.
It’s based on their personal beliefs as well as the experiences and trials they’ve had. However, some people believe that their experiences are exemplary. And that’s how it will turn out for everyone else.
Accordingly, they might try to influence you to take the same path they’ve taken or suck us into what they believe to be right. They don’t believe that the path you’ve chosen will yield the “best” results.
And there is no shortage of such people. They often believe, consciously or unconsciously, that their way of thinking is the only way. But you must watch out for such people. You have to recognize that what’s best for them might not be best for you. It’s your life to live and it’s your right to make the decisions that are best for you.
1. They Want to Help
I am not denying that there are good people who genuinely want to help. But not everyone is capable. And some people might give you irrelevant and bad advice.
When it comes to bad advice, there’s plenty of it. Most people are not trained to offer you professional and personalized advice regardless of how much they care about you. And bad advice, even when comes from a good heart, is simply bad advice. That’s the bottom line. Do you really want to be in a position where you regret taking their advice? Those very people will tell you when their advice proves to be wrong: “We’re sorry you’re going through this. We didn’t know any better at the time.”
Will they feel bad?
Yes they probably will. They might feel bad about it for a day or two, but they will move on to live their life.
So be careful what advice you take.
Here’s a few questions that can help you decide if you should listen to someone’s advice:
- Are they taking your strengths?
- Are they taking your values, passions and dreams into account?
- Are they looking for solutions that reflects your personality and individuality?
- Are they choosing something for you that will make you happy?
- Are they dogmatic about what’s best for you?
- Are they willing to consider alternatives and analyze them objectively?
The truth is good advice takes work. And it’s the kind of work that most people won’t do. It just takes a lot of time, effort, and energy. That’s not to mention the problems other people have in their lives and the decisions they have to live with.
Now, I am not a cynical person. I believe there is a lot of good in this world and I have been fortunate to meet good-meaning people in my life. I am sure you have too. But we also have met a few “know it all.” So think for yourself and make your own decisions before you decide to let go and let someone else take control.
2. Family
Bad advice can come from family members. I understand that this might be hard to accept for most people, but let me explain.
Your family’s first priority is for you to be safe.
For them, that means choosing a “safe” stable job, going to a “safe” college, choosing a “safe” place to live, and more. They are concerned about you and their advice comes from a good place. But because they care about you, they often don’t want you to push the envelope too hard. They don’t want you to make a lot of noise. They want you to conform and stay safe. But if you stay “safe,” you won’t explore your individuality and experience life on your own terms. If you’re too scared and too conservative, then you won’t see much for yourself. You won’t be uniquely you.
Moreover, your family doesn’t want your feelings to be hurt. They don’t want you to fail either… because if you fail and things don’t work out for you, then you’re going to experience some pain. Your family doesn’t want you to experience any pain. Pain, for them, is bad. But if you have dreams that you’re willing to go after, then you will inevitably fail along the way. But it’s up to you to decide. You can either go after your dreams, or you can let someone else’s feelings decide if your dreams are worth it.
3. Employee Mindset
If you want a safe life, then go ahead and please everyone. Let someone else be in charge of your life and take orders from that person.
And people will invite themselves to give you orders. Why? Because you’re there to take them. You have an employee mindset, not just at work, but you’re carrying that mindset everywhere you go.
And people will boss you around and waste your time if you let them. Learn how to stand up for your life and politely decline invitations that don’t help you grow. Tell those dream-killers that you’re unavailable to listen to their advice.
It pays to be an independent thinker. Don’t be enslaved by other people’s dogma. If it didn’t work out for them, it doesn’t mean that it won’t work out for you. Follow your intuition and be your own boss. Be your own hero.
4. Choose Your Life
Listen to your heart and you will live the life that you want. It takes some time until you figure out what you truly want. But because you haven’t figured it out yet, it doesn’t mean that other people should choose it for you.
If you look for your truth in other people, you won’t find it. In fact, some people are simply bored with their life. They have some free time on their hands, and they want to hear themselves talk. And they will give you their “advice” on how to live a “happy” life. Wise people only point to the path. They don’t try to persuade you to take it. But unwise people try to persuade you.
Decide that you want to be the director of your own movie. If you don’t, you’re going to be a replaceable actor in someone else’s movie.