Recognizing that you need to change and attempting to do so is hard.
Recognizing that others need to change and attempting to help them do so is even harder.
But people have the false perception that change should be easy. This belief can be attributed to the media, Hollywood, and other processes of social conditioning. And if you leave these beliefs unquestioned, you’re doomed to see the world in imaginary and unrealistic ways.
Whether people want to admit it or not, many are convinced by the impressions they’ve formed as a result of what they see and hear on TV and other media outlets. And because of these impressions, they can’t seem to see the process of change for what it really is.
To be honest with you, there is no such thing as a quick fix or an effortless transformation. Effecting necessary change in your life requires a conscious effort and a genuine desire to change along with some form of mentorship and guidance. That’s the ideal scenario for effective change.
But you can nonetheless begin to do these things on your own. And in this post, I am going to explain how you can do that and give you some tips that can begin the process of change.
1. Fossilized Habits
Let’s start out with some assumptions that people have about why they are the way they are.
Human beings are a product of their environment….that’s, at least, what many people believe about human behavior.
They believe that our behavior is product of circumstance and that we succeed or fail because of our environment, our family, and our schools.
But I suggest that you choose not to believe that.
While your environment plays an instrumental part in shaping your beliefs and behavior, it would be strange these days to say that you didn’t have much of a choice over your circumstances over the long term. You’re not living in the desert without access to any form of information.
Now more than ever you have access to information that previous generations could only dream of. Everything you need from how to tie your shoes to objections to string theory are all available at the tips of your fingers. And all you have to do is to ask for it. That’s all you need.
In fact, you’re exposed to various ideas, concepts, and lifestyles today than any previous human being that walked on the face of the earth. You probably have heard stories of how ordinary people overcame extraordinary odds and perhaps also read about them in the newspaper. So there’s an abundance of real life examples of people who were able to make it.
But why can’t you?
So I don’t think it’s not a matter of knowing how to change. It’s matter of having the courage to change.
Stop living in your comfort zone. Stop having a victim mentality and stop blaming your environment and circumstances for what has happened to you. If you do so, these thoughts and beliefs will become fossilized…and they will become deeply embedded in your mental and attitudinal psychology at the expense of living the life your deserve and desire.
2. Changing Others
Now if you thought changing yourself is hard. Imagine how hard it is to change others.
I understand that it’ hard for you to see loved ones struggling to achieve their goals. But you have to wait until the person is ready for mentorship. Some people will refuse good advice because it comes at the wrong time, and accept and implement bad advice just because it comes at the right time.
So you have to wait until the time is right and until the person is ready. You can’t change someone that doesn’t desire to change just like you can’t teach a student who is not ready to learn. Remember that you’re dealing with the reality of that person including their fossilized ways of seeing and relating to the world.
But if you’re genuine about providing them with help, then let them know and wait until they are ready. But you also have to accept that the person you want to help might be ready as soon as you would like him/her to be.
3. The Habit of Questioning
The first step to changing yourself (or to help others change) is to challenge your beliefs about yourself.
Having the courage to do so will help you lay the foundation to effect change in other areas of your life.
For example, it will help you to begin by questioning your beliefs about your abilities. That’s always a great place to start.
Consider the following questions
- Why do you have the beliefs that you do about your abilities?
- What makes you think that you can’t do and be as great as the people that you look up to?
- What skills have you worked on to help you move closer to your goal?
- When was the last time you’ve tested your ideas?
I believe that asking yourself critical questions and answering them will begin to help you shift your thinking. And mindset change is the most critical part of any serious transformation.
4. Divorce Your Old Reference Points
If you want to change your thinking, you have to begin to separate yourself from your past failures. And what I mean by that is you have to change how you relate to it.
All too often people believe that they can’t start a business, they can’t find the right partner, and they can’t live the life they deserve because they’ve tried AND failed, not once but a number of times.
See when you “record” your failures and you focus on them, you begin to identify them as points of reference. And the more references you “record” for your failure, the more likely you will take your failures as a statement about all of your abilities.
But that’s a logical fallacy like any other fallacy.
Failure in the past and failing numerous times in life is by no means a prediction about every future performance. You can easily change your reference points by accumulating small wins. Decide to commit to a new habit and make sure it’s something you can easily achieve. You have to start with the bar really low sometimes until you gather up sufficient momentum to go for bigger things.
So don’t be biased against yourself. Don’t be your worst enemy.
Divorce yourself from your past failure at business, at relationships, or at your career, and begin to take seriously the thought that it’s possible for you to win.